You may have already been asked this question by your tailor, or read about it in an article on bespoke tailoring. It’s part of the personal relationship between a man and his tailor, where certain delicate information is exchanged.
Without the euphemisms; we’re discussing your penis and testicles, and how your trousers are accommodating these most valuable of possessions. Having a left and right leg, your trousers generally force your private parts to hang to one side. Unless the trouser’s crotch is quite low and you wear loose underwear like boxers, but we’ll cover that topic below. Generally you’ll have a preferred side, even if it’s unconscious, most men “dress to the side”.
Let’s talk about the J seam
Though trousers today have a quotidian ubiquity, they’re quite a revolutionary piece of technology originating with the horse-riding steppe cultures of Asia some 3000 years ago. Before that, wraps were the common lower body covering, and gentlemen didn’t dress to the side.
The J seam, or crotch seam, is the join down the centre front and back of your trousers which connects the two legs. When the pattern piece is laid flat the seam looks a little like a J.
In general our clothes, like our bodies, are symmetrical left to right. And generally your genitals would relax straight down the centre of your body, modestly covered with an around-the-waist wrap, or one that passed between the legs to tuck your member away safely.
The first trousers mimicked this idea, with the two legs joined in the centre by a separate piece of cloth. But the straight hanging days of our personal belongings were numbered.
The Issue is Height
Not your personal height, but the height of the J seam on the pattern of the trouser. And there seems to be no height at which at the J seam is right.
Too low; the crotch looks like it’s at your knees and the back of your trousers sag most unappealingly. Worse still: undue strain is placed on the crotch seam with every step, resulting in the most common tear on trousers.
Too high; things become considerably uncomfortable. Not to mention unsightly. Let’s leave it at that.
In the Goldie Locks Zone of Just Right? Still disaster! Now it’s comfortable and doesn’t strain the seam when walking, but it forces your genitals to one side. We’ve become so accustomed to this since loosing the codpiece (a moment of silence please), but dressing to the side is actually not the most natural existence for you third leg.
The completely fabricated origin story of the Prince Albert (genital) piercing, shows how deeply this habit is engrained in our culture: Being so fastidious about which side he dressed, Queen Victoria’s husband was said to have tied his sausage to one side of this trousers with the aid of a genital piercing.
So now what? Too high, too low and just right are disasters, and even with a genital piercing our Prince was left…as it were…hanging…
Lets ask the Tough Question: Which Way Do You Dress?
Your tailor will ask you this question when he needs to know on which side of your trousers your anatomy is leaning, and it’s important for a few reasons.
Bespoke trousers are traditionally made to fit your unique body, and so the height of the crotch should be ‘just right’, forcing your genitals down one side of your trouser. There is unfortunately no better way to determine this measurement than measuring your inside leg from your crotch to your trouser hem. Tailors do this on the side to which you don’t dress to avoid touching you inappropriately.
I use this phrase to start the conversation about the height of your crotch. If it’s your first pair of bespoke trousers you may be used to the lower crotch common in ready-to-wear, and we can discuss the advantages and disadvantages of a more snug fit. If we decide to have the crotch ‘just right’ and dress to the side, there’s just no option but to slide the tape measure up there and get the numbers. You do actually get a special tape measure with a longer metal tab, which let’s you get into the groin area more comfortably. But honestly, at this point we’re all adults; our focus is on fashion so we can stop being squeamish.
Another situation which will require this conversation is altering a trouser’s crotch. If you notice your trousers looking rather saggy around the bum area, this is often because the crotch is too low. Unfortunately the J seam cannot be made higher, which is another topic you can read about here.
Depending on the severity of the alteration, your tailor may need to get pretty close to your personal belongings with some very sharp pins. So here the question is more about safety. Altering the crotch along the inside seam unfortunately doesn’t raise the crotch, but it does tighten the thigh which will alleviate a bit of the sagging around the bum.
Bespoke Trousers
If you and your tailor have decided to embark on the journey of a perfectly fitting pair of trousers, your crotch seam will not be perfectly symmetrical. In addition to helping your tailor get a good measurement without groping your sack, the side you dress tells him where to cut some extra fabric to accommodate the jewels.
This is more important in a tighter fitting trouser than a looser one, especially if the fabric is thin. If you don’t want to advertise your wares, it’s best to cut some extra room for your package so that it doesn’t enter the room before you do. In looser trousers with a thicker fabric, especially with pleats, it’s more about personal comfort than public decency.
If, of course, you prefer to hang straight, your tailor will cut the crotch a little lower and keep the trousers symmetrical. The fitting process also helps to see and feel what is comfortable for you.
I like to make a sample trouser with the crotch at ‘hang straight’ level. We continue our conversation about crotch height from before, and cut the second fitting with your chosen fabric to the side. Here you’ll fit the sample trouser again and feel the difference in crotch height, as well as symmetrical vs asymmetrical cuts. Most gentlemen prefer the higher crotch and asymmetrical cut once they try it. But for those who prefer the lower crotch, I unpick the fly and recut that portion accordingly. I’ll do anything for fashion!
First, don’t panic
Now that you know what your tailor is asking, you can confidently engage in the conversation…to the level of personal information you feel like sharing with your tailor. After reading this blog you may discover you change sides more often than politicians. It’s not a crime, you’ll say ‘straight down the middle’, your crotch will be a bit lower and your trousers symmetrical, no big deal. If you’re devoted to your side disclaim it confidently with a ‘left’ of ‘right’. And don’t be shy to engage your tailor on this topic to understand what is best for you and the trousers you want in your life.
A practical solution
For a comfortable and sustainable option, I’ve had great experiences with PACT ORGANIC. I was super happy with the socks I bought, and you can read my review of them here.
If you’d like to learn more about how well-made clothing should fit, I’ve put together a collection of articles covering everything from the fundamentals of suit construction to choosing between ready-to-wear, made-to-measure and bespoke.
–Introduction to Suits— Brief History of Suits – Suit Fit, The Trousers – Suit Fit, the Jacket – Suit Fit, the Waistcoat – Suit Fit, the Shirt — Off the Peg Suits – Made to Measure Suits – Bespoke Suits – Some Suit Mistakes –
And if you’d like to have a pair of trousers fitted specifically to you, visit our Bespoke Tailoring page to learn more about our custom service.
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